The Golden Girls: Brother Can You Spare That Jacket?

If you exist on this earth, I am going to assume that you know of, have seen, or worship The Golden Girls. If you are not from Earth, hello, welcome. Thanks for reading my blog! Please google The Golden Girls before proceeding to read this post.

Things start off simply enough in this episode with the girls casually playing the scratch off lottery. Dorothy wins $10,000 dollars and they’re all excited about splitting it. (I guess when one golden girl wins all the golden girls win?) They decide to keep the ticket in Blanche’s new vintage jacket for safe keeping even though a coat pocket is not a very safe place at all. Would you carry around $10,000 in your coat pocket? I didn’t think so.

Dorothy holds the winning ticket.

Sophia accidentally donates the jacket to charity, the girls head to the thrift store to pick it up, and unfortunately Michael Jackson has purchased it on his way to a sold out concert. The fact that Michael Jackson stopped at a thrift store mid-concert-commute in order to update his wardrobe is by far the least farfetched aspect of this episode.

"Michael Jackson's" gloved hand.
“Michael Jackson’s” gloved hand.

Lucky, for the golden girls, Michael Jackson is auctioning off that very jacket for charity the next day. The opening bid is $10,000 (which seems like a steal for Michael Jackson’s jacket) so the girls are out of luck again. Yet in another shocking plot twist, the congressman who has won the ticket decides to donate it to charity (again!) so that a homeless person can have a warm jacket. No offense, but how cold does it really get in Miami? Shamelessly, the women decide to spend the night in the homeless shelter to try to track down the jacket.

This has got to be by far the cleanest homeless shelter ever. Everyone has army blankets and cots, but all of the mattresses and sheets look brand new. The golden girls are all bummed out by what they’re witnessing, but not bummed out enough to oh, I don’t know, let actual homeless people have their beds.

Sometimes I like to go down to the homeless shelter and just gab. It’s like a big slumber party!

Blanche tells a homeless man who pays a quarter for a breakfast of coffee and cereal that she prefers to skip breakfast because she has to watch her figure. Ugh, I know the writers are trying to make a social point, but this really just makes Blanche look like an idiot at best. The good thing about this episode is that each of the girls meets someone at the shelter who (in an non-sappy way) educates them about how terrible it is not to have consistent food and shelter—and oh wait we are looking for the jacket again.  The moment is saved by a folksy song as we thoughtfully pan the faces of the downtrodden—while still looking for the jacket. In a last minute change of heart, the girls donate the lottery ticket to the shelter.

Very Special Lesson: It’s okay to spend the night in a homeless shelter with limited bed space, as long as you hand over the winning lottery ticket in the morning.

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