Just a Touch of Crisis

St_elmo's_fireUsually when I’m feeling bummed about about my life’s direction, I watch St. Elmo’s Fire for the five thousandth time. But I watched it too recently because I was on a bus stuck in traffic and I didn’t have anything else to do. Also, I’m starting to become older than the Brat Pack and that’s hurting my heart. So lately, I’ve been left to just sit with my feelings and it sucks.

I feel extra crappy feeling blue when so many awful things are happening around the world. I know that I am ultimately a very lucky person in a world where many people cannot even count health or personal safety among their blessings. But that being said, I’m in a terrible funk and I haven’t quite felt this way since the teen-angst years. Except in the teen angst years, I at least had a million plausible dreams to keep me motivated.

But without the idealism of teenage naivete, I am a just person living hand-to -mouth with a Master’s Degree in a “Bachelor’s Preferred” job in a totally different field than what I studied. Don’t get me wrong, I feel incredibly lucky because my coworkers are cool and it’s the first full time, permanent (with benefits!) job I have ever had. But I also feel no sense of purpose in what I am doing, am bored with pretty much all of my hobbies, and work too much to find new ones. Only my 90 year old great uncle understands any of this because he is the only older person I know who was my age at a time when the economy was similarly screwed up. I know it’s getting better, but I haven’t felt it yet.

Thing I would like to do for a job

Ghostbuster
I noticed a weird sludge in the train tracks today. My first thought was, “What is that strange sludge?” Then I proceeded to think, “Well, it can’t be that bad because they are still running the train.” And finally I thought, “This is a job for The Ghostbusters.” I would like to be that person to investigate that strange sludge, and if I had my proton pack with me this morning, I would have blasted it back to Hell where it belongs. Currently, Ghostbuster is top of my list of dream jobs. With the untimely death of Harold Ramis, I think I could fill the academic nerd void.They also need a token female. And Bill Murray wouldn’t even phase me. I think he’d be all “wacky” and I’d be like, “Hey, Bill. Let’s go get a cup of coffee.”

Alex P. Keaton
This is a dude who’s got it all together. Sure, I would have to be a Republican, but I think that in Alex P. Keaton’s World it may have actually been possible to be a moderate Republican. It seems like nowadays we live in a world without much of a moderate-anything. And sure, Richard Nixon made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t think that Alex was wrong to love him. At this point, I’m used to presidents lying to me and none of those guys have ended the Vietnam War or opened up trade relations with China. Also, Alex P. Keaton didn’t have to pay for college and don’t even get me started on that.

Nun from Sister Act
Nun is a job with an inherent sense of purpose. And no one had a better nun job than the nuns in Sister Act. Not only did they get to paint murals and better their community, but also every time they go to church they get to be a Mary Wells cover band.

Be a Designer for Designing Women
Dear Ms. Sugarbaker,
I feel that I would be a good fit for your firm because it would allow me the opportunity to combine my creative whimsy and my detail-oriented administrative side. It would be an honor to be a part of such a rigorous, entrepreneurial environment, and I feel that i believe that I can offer a unique vantage point to your aesthetic. However, you and your sister are whiny so I will probably hang out with Annie Potts most of the time. She was my favorite part of Pretty in Pink. I hope to discuss this opportunity further with you.
Sincerely,
The Very Special Blogger

Whatever Sue Ellen did in Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
This seemed mostly to involve drinking wine, some light embezzlement with no consequences, and the opportunity to design impractical albeit well-received work uniforms.

Band-Aid
I understand that Penny Lane was pretty much just a groupie and that band-aid was what she called herself to reframe her tumultuous and ultimately depressing relationship with Russell. However, let’s imagine for a moment that Band-Aid is a real job a la creative personal assistant. So like everyone is really stressed out on the bus because the lead guitarist tripped on acid and quoted Robert Plant on the roof of some suburban teenager’s house. No problem, allow me to mend the situation with a little light humor and a group sing-along. You’re having trouble making conversation with Deep Purple? Don’t worry about it, let me start things off on the right track! The only problem is that I seem to be more sensitive to loud noises than I used to be (Oh God, I’m aging) but it does seem like the kind of job that would provide a lot of interesting travel opportunities.

Honorable Mention:
Karen Carpenter
I would like to be on top of the world looking down on creation, but it seems like a hard life. Eating disorder obviously excluded (I want no part of that), I wonder if it gets tiresome to stand up and sing all of the time. But rainy days and Mondays are always getting me down.
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5 thoughts on “Just a Touch of Crisis

  1. The more I watch The Shining, the more I think caretaker of the Overlook Hotel would be the dream job for me, minus all of the murder and those scary ass twins. If you want a new hobby, and want to become neurotic, I can teach you to knit!

      1. Hmm. Maybe you should try stitching. It’s cheaper, easier, faster, and small projects give instant gratification. Seriously, I’ll skype you a lesson if you want to learn knitting or stitching. DIY all the way!

      2. Email me! We can set up a time. Please note: drinking is mandatory while crafting, so you’ll need to get a bottle of something. I’ll include a supply list for you.

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