12 Christmas Wishes for My Dog

Screen Shot 2014-11-30 at 2.25.41 PMThe title of this movie completely mislead me. Amber from Clueless is supposed to be this endearing dog-lover whose life is just not going right. First, she has to relocate her dog to the shelter she volunteers at because she’s been keeping her in violation of her lease. Then she loses her job. But then she gets a “life coach” who grants her 12 wishes. I thought that this life coach was an elf working for Santa but she is actually an angel working for God. Amber from Clueless uses most of her wishes to win the lottery, get a new car, change out her wardrobe. This shouldn’t be surprising if you have seen her previous work.

Screen Shot 2014-11-29 at 3.26.09 PM
This is the sketchiest website ever.

So I was like, when does the dog come into play with this? The Netflix description promised that all of the wishes would come true in an unexpected way, so I was thinking this was all extended exposition for like a dog getting a brand new car or something. But it wasn’t. In fact, it was all pretty boring and the way that the wishes came true unexpectedly was that she ended up alienating like all of her loved ones (except for her mom who we only ever see in phone conversations).

If you ever doubted that Amber from Clueless seriously sucked, then this should solidify the fact that she does totally suck. She is content to let her dog live in a spacious cage with a nice handler instead of at home in her cozy apartment? I mean that should have been the first wish! I need no other evidence to see that she is a totally selfish woman. She eventually learns from the elf/angels that her individual problems will sort of melt away if she just focuses on others

This is what I love most about unemployed people in movies. They’re like “I’m sad I don’t have a job” while I sit in my cozy townhouse and play on my computer/don’t at all look for a new job. There’s never any threat of actual real life damage. I guess she did fix that when she wished to win the lottery but still…Screen Shot 2014-11-29 at 4.30.51 PM

She eventually does get her dog back at the end of the movie because her new boyfriend (who started dating her because they both love dogs so much) talks to the owner of the townhouses and like they allow her to keep the dog (no wishes necessary). Well, clearly she doesn’t love her dog that much. She wished for new clothes before she ever thought about getting that thing back.

Very Special Lesson: Don’t date the bubbly woman just because she volunteers at the animal shelter. What you don’t know is that she has special powers and could have used them to keep her dog in a loving home, but she didn’t because she sucks.

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