Arthur: To Eat or Not to Eat

p184303_b_v8_adTIL Arthur is still on television. And you know what? That’s just great! Being a kid in the 90’s was pretty freaking amazing. I feel like being a kid now would be less amazing. I mean Sesame Street isn’t even on public television anymore. We now live in a time where your parents have to be rich enough to have HBO for you to watch Big Bird. And that’s just wrong man, that’s just wrong. So yes, it cheers my heart to know the youth of America still get to see Arthur (the aardvark? Was he an aardvark? Woah, I just looked up what an aardvark actually looks like. Crazy.)

Alas, I missed this episode because it aired like fifteen years after I stopped watching Arthur. But I’m excited to revisit the series.

In this episode, there’s a candy bar called “Rabid Dog.” The commercial makes it look like speed for children. It also makes sparkles come out of your mouth. You know what, I was a cautious child. I don’t think I would have wanted any part of this. But Buster, Arthur’s very best friend, is into it.

He sees the commercial on television and runs to the candy store. Arthur calls after him, “Don’t you want to watch the rest of the cartoon.” SCARIEST SENTENCE EVER UTTERED ON TELEVISION. You’re a cartoon Arthur. The cartoons you’re watching, look exactly like you. Do you know you’re a cartoon??? WHAT IS YOUR REALITY??

mv5bmtq3odiyndkwnl5bml5banbnxkftztgwmta4njm0mje-_v1_uy268_cr870182268_al_When the lunch lady cannot read most of the ingredients on the label, she insists that Buster eat an apple instead. (I don’t know why he like asked the lunch lady to read his candy bar wrapper, but whatever.)

Binky (the resident jackass on this show) buys all of the candy bars at the store and resells them on the playground. I mean seriously, this dude is a criminal at like age eight. Someone needs to reign him in.

Meanwhile, a student, who seems to have a college level education in chemistry yet manages to somehow be a second grade student in public school, reads the back of the candy bar and identifies some of the ingredients as radioactive and others as being made of bugs. (Buster is most upset about the bugs, which is weird I think for a bunny.)1280x720-plw

Soon the students start to feel “hot and dizzy,” which seems pretty mild to me for having pounded a candy bar full of what I assume is the equivalent of pop rocks and coke.

hqdefaultBuster and his mom head down to the corporate headquarters of the candy bar company to find out what some of the agreements are. The “Supreme Dog,” as it were, tells them that it’s a trade secret. But he does explain what happens to your brain when you eat a Rabid Dog candy bar. And it’s meth. It’s literally meth.

Buster asks the Supreme Dog to eat one of the candy bars, but he refuses to get high on his own supply. I would say this episode is far-fetched even for a very special episode, but we’re living in Trump’s America…soooooo…

We see a newspaper article that informs us that the Supreme Dog has been arrested. This makes everyone quit the candy bars cold turkey. Ah, if only.

Speaking of cold turkey, has anyone ever seen the movie Cold Turkey? Yeah. It’s pretty weird.

That little girl wiping tears from behind her glasses is BREAKING MY HEART.

But like, back to Buster real quick. A bunny in the second grade managed to destroy an evil corporation and this happens OFF SCREEN?? That’s the show I want to see!

Very Special Lesson: I mean apparently, asking a few questions of an executive can expose an illegal drug trade, but I’m not sure because the writers of Arthur didn’t let me see that part. So all I can reasonably tell you is not to eat things that make sparks fly from your mouth. Yet somehow, I feel like that goes without saying.

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6 thoughts on “Arthur: To Eat or Not to Eat

  1. Arthur and Sesame Street were my childhood (well, those and “The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.” I’m bummed that the newer Winnie the Pooh movies ignored the continuity of that show, because it was my childhood).

    I stopped watching Sesame Street once they added that fairy to it. It’s just not the same show anymore. What happened to those hilarious Bert and Ernie skits? Why is Elmo becoming a more major character as the show goes on? Why is the theme song becoming more like pop music? I remember the days when Cookie Monster would eat everything. Like in the “Follow That Bird” movie, where he ate up Gordon’s car. Haha. I rewatched that movie recently (I only saw it once as a kid, and I didn’t even realize it was a movie. My little kid mind assumed it to be a really long episode that was a lot edgier than a normal episode. Years later, I discover it’s a movie), and it still holds up (it’s also interesting to see some concepts in it that I never saw as a kid apart from that movie, apart from the edgier-than-the-show nature of it, I also grew up in the late 90’s-early 2000’s, so seeing 80’s Sesame Street is a bit different). Oscar the Grouch is hilarious too. When I was a kid, I thought Oscar was a jerk. Now that I’m grown up, I think there’s a little bit of Oscar in us. LOL. The “Don’t Drop Inn” is just hilarious.

    I haven’t watched Arthur in years either (apart from a few older episodes that I have nostalgic memories of), but it was a great show.

    As for cartoon character mentioning cartoons, I doubt this is the first time the show has said that. I seem to recall it a few times. And not just in Arthur either. The very first “Winnie the Pooh” episode (“Pooh Oughta Be in the Pictures”) had the gang going to see a Godzilla movie, and Piglet says, “I thought we were going to see a cartoon.” my opinion is that, with most cartoons, the characters in it aren’t really cartoons, but we just see them as such, and that explains how cartoon characters can watch cartoons. It’s weird, but t makes sense.

    Holy cow, I talk too much.

      1. I don’t know. I thought about that too. Maybe they should make it look different. Like maybe have the “cartoons” in the cartoon have crappier animation than the actual cartoon (like maybe making it look like an Atari game, or something). Or, even funnier, maybe they should make a “cartoon” in the cartoon worlds be live action, like a reversal of sorts.

        If I had to guess, I would say that the cartoons look the same because we aren’t able to tell because the way we are seeing the world doesn’t allow us to see it differently, if you get what I’m saying. I don’t know, maybe the people who wrote the episode just thought it would be funny to have a cartoon character mention cartoons.

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